The Ramblings of a Mad Man

gs of a Mad Man

  By Blake Thorne

  Text copyright ? 2015 Monocle Books

  All Rights Reserved

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  This is a transcript of Juan Carlos' Diary and video recordings

  that were recovered from his personal residence and smartphone.

  July 18, 2012

  This leather journal feels as worn as an old shoe. It had belonged to my father before me and he never used a single page in it. Up until today, I've never used a page in it either. It sat in a box until my psychiatrist told me to start writing down my blackouts.

  I told him that they weren't blackouts, but rather changes that were happening to me, they're real. If they weren't real, how could he explain why I would wake up without clothes on? Or how about when I'd fucking wake up in strange places with Goddamn scratches all over my fucking body? The psychiatrist explained them away as the mind manifesting itself on the human body, but that's a crock of shit and he knows it! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU? [Writing transitions into a wavy line until the end of the page.]

  July 19, 2012

  I write this because I want to understand what's going on with me and since no one will help me, I'm doing this alone! I want everyone to know that I'm not crazy! I haven't lost my mind. Something's wrong with me? I mean really, physically wrong with me! It's not in my head. I scribble these words to you so that you know this isn't in my head I'm also recording this with my iPhone, this way when I blackout, I'll have a recording of what happens to me after I lose consciousness. I want you'll to understand all this when I'm gone. I don't want my mother to be upset with me. I don't want her to be mad at me so I wrote and wrote in this journal trying to capture it all [Writing trails off to a scribble.].

  Please mom, don't hate me. Don't be mad at your baby boy. Tell Jimmy and Crystal that I love them very much [Writing becomes erratic].

  July 19, 2012

  [Later that night, around eight.] I can feel the pain cutting me up inside now. I went to the doctor and he said everything seems normal [Writing trails off into scribble.]. I told him I needed an MRI of my whole body and that's when we told me that he couldn't do that. That's when something happened. My feelings welled up until they overflowed and spilled out into the world. I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. The rage? the rage was out of control. I tore up his office and even broke his oak table.

  I was driving home and my stomach felt like it was ripping in two [Lifted shirt to reveal deep stretch marks.] Dear God, SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME!!! I hurt all the time now. For fucks sake, I'm only eighteen years old [Writing trails off].

  [Later that night, two in the morning.] [Shaking barely legible.] I've been trying to figure out when all of these weird things started and I think I figured it out. I was at a party on July 4th, when I slept with a woman I met there. She bit me on the shoulder when we were fucking during our lovemaking. The sex was incredible so I didn't notice, but now it's sore and I'm in so much pain. The doctor's said it look like an infection from a dog bite and gave me some antibiotics. They didn't help at all and [screaming] I TOLD THEM IT WOULD NOT WORK!

  I think it was that woman. That woman, she wanted me so badly that night; that she couldn't wait to get my pants off and my cock in her mouth. We fucked all night, but I'm so sorry that I did. I'm so, so, sorry I slept with that woman momma. Please don't be mad.

  The pain hurts more then ever now. My skin feels like it's ripping apart from the inside out. Every nerve ending felt like hot lava was dripping from my every pore. I can't help but to pull at my flesh everyday now, scratching and clawing at my skin because it feels like something's crawling under it. In the beginning it wasn't that bad just some itching, but now, now it's unreal like bugs are under my skin. I didn't know that I could withstand so much pain before, but now I truly know what pain feels like [Writing trails off.].

  July 20, 2012

  [Scribbling as fast as a man can. The writing's almost illegible.] I've been going through these changes throughout the mornings when I first wake up. I can smell things now. I can smell changes in people as I pass them on the street it's almost like I can smell their emotions. [Screaming into the smartphone.] I can smell their fear doctor! When you read this, know it wasn't my fault, I warned you over and over again. Whatever that woman did to me? it's changing me. I went online to research what was happening and I think I know what happened to me.

  [Deep impressions in the paper.] Please see that Dr. Txong get this part.

  Dr. Txong, if you read this part of my journal, please I didn't want to hurt anyone. Please make sure you watch the videos I've been making because I'm not sure how long I can keep writing when I blackout. The videos should help explain everything. My mind doctor, its my mind; it hurts all the time now. I've these bouts of rage that I can't control! [Screaming and crying] PLEEEEEEEEASSSSSE SAVE MEEEEEEEE!! SAVE MY SOUL!!

  Today, I woke up with a raging hard-on. I couldn't help but masturbate three times this morning one right after another. I felt like a beast as I choked my chicken. It felt like my member had grown three inches and an inch thicker. [Deep impressions in the paper.] I looked liked a monster, but it felt so good to rub it, to rub it on anything. I was rubbing it against the walls and on the furniture. Like a God damn dog!! [Pencil lead appears to have broken. Some left behind on the paper]

  I had to go out and get food this morning. Thank God for my mom; she sends money to help me eat once in awhile. I had to put on a hoodie with my baseball hat to hide what my hair has become. I wore three shirts to cover my stretch marks, and discolored, and tough as tree-bark, new skin. My body's covered in thick course hair. I only stepped outside my house but I picked up a thousand new scents. I could smell things that were so foreign to me, but smelled so good. It didn't take me long to pin point where it was coming from. It was coming from the woman on the corner block. She smelt like the sweetest fruit I've ever had. I was drawn to her scent like a moth to a light. I wanted to taste her. I wanted to consume her, but then doctor, then it happened. I couldn't control my thoughts any longer and my body took over. I'm so sorry [Tears are on the page smearing the rest of the writing.].

  [Video starts at 10:58pm.] Doctor before I knew it I was talking to this strange woman. I'm not even sure how I started the conversation, but I talked her into walking with me. We ended up in the park walking through the trees.

  Doc, Doc? she was incredible. She was beautiful doc! She had dark brown curly hair with a pink ribbon in it. Her hair was full, thick and bounced when she walked. I can't remember what happened after that. I found the ribbon in my bed doc! It was in my bed! [The sounds drop to a low whisper] I'm so sorry I don't remember anything. I can't remember what happened after that. But the pain doctor, the pain? it's overwhelming.

  Every time I wake up now, I can smell them. I can smell them like someone who smells coffee in the morning. Their scent waffles in through the window in the morning and fills me with lust and desire. And then, the monster between my legs roars to life. These urges are getting stronger and stronger as the next full moon gets closer and cl
oser.

  [Later that night video starts at 10:58 PM.] I took six sleeping pills and it wasn't enough to knock me out for more than two hours. I woke up feeling like I was in a sauna and someone had cranked the heat up. Sweat saturated my bed, my pillow, and my entire body. When I pulled back the covers to see what was going on, all I could see was hair. Dark course animal hair now covered my entire body. I sprinted into the bathroom, breathing so rapidly that I almost hyperventilating from the sheer panic of what I'm enduring.

  I jumped in the shower so I could cool down and catch my breath. I closed my eyes and thought about what was going on. Then, I opened my eyes and just like that all the fur was gone. I almost slipped and fell the shock of what my mind was seeing. At first, I thought it was just a dream. [Screaming into the smartphone] But this wasn't a dream it was real!

  July 21, 2012

  It's around midnight and I've been trying to sleep, but I can't. All I can think about is, what my life could of been like if I had never met that woman on the Fourth of July. [The writing becomes erratic] I've been looking up dog bites on the Internet, and the only thing that makes sense is that bitch might've been a werewolf. I know it sounds crazy doc, but I mean it. The things that are going on inside me, they're just not right! Please, please, tell my family, my mom and my brother my sister that I love them.

  Arghhhhhhh! The pain, it's tearing me apart.

  I ripped back the curtains, so I could find out what kind of moon that we have tonight. Sure as shit doc, it's a full fucking moon, man!! It's a full? fucking? MOON! I told you, it's gotta be it. I know it's not possible and it makes me sound crazy, but it's gotta be it.

  I felt something poking me in the back, like a splinter. When I run my fingers over it, it hurt like a splinter. I tried my best to pull it out, but then more splinters started poking through my skin. First, it was just the one, but then it became dozens and dozens of little splinters poking through. Now it's starting on my arms and my legs, dark course hair coming through. The moon's brighter then a giant spotlight tonight, shining down on my house. It beckons to me. It calls to me like a siren calling to a sailor but that sailor ends up dying. I know that the moon's trying to seduce me, but I will never succumb to its heavenly song.

  My flesh itches terribly. I want to scratch it so badly, but when I do, I tare bits of my skin apart. You'd think I'd bleed a lot, but I don't and the pain doesn't hurt when I scratch it at all. I'm afraid of leaving permanent damage to my skin, so I don't want to scratch anymore, but I have to. I can't stop thinking about what if I wake up in the morning looking worse than I am now?

  [Writing erratically.] Oh my God doc! It's ?[can't determine]? again! I can't make it stop. I've ?[can't determine]? to touch it; I've got to rub it on something? anything? NOW! I stroke it through my pants at first. Making sure to slowly rub it on the sensitive underside of my manhood. As I write this, I'm using my left hand to stroke my cock. After a few minutes, I can't help but to pull my aching ?[can't determine]? out from my pants. It's longer and thicker than it ever was before. Just a month ago I had in average size penis, and now I've a monster. I'd make John Holmes ?[can't determine]? cry. This thing's as long as my ?[can't determine]? and as thick too.

  All I can think about is going to find the first available woman and attacking her. I'm running out of sleeping pills so I can't hold back the cravings any longer.

  July 22, 2012

  Tonight's the night of the full moon. This'll be the first full moon since the bitch at the party bit me. I'm really scared now. Whoever finds my journal; please tell my mother that I love her. You'll find her name and phone number in the front of this book. [Pages are missing.]

  [Sometime near sunset.] The cravings are too strong and I can't hold back any longer. I can't write when I'm in pain so I'm going to record everything that happens to me on my phone. I hope someone finds this in time to save me from myself.

  The pain has intensified to the point where I vomit and then more pain overwhelms my system. I want to get out of this tiny apartment, but my feet have grown and don't fit my shoes anymore the walls feel like they're closing in on me. My hands have begun to elongate right before my eyes. The hair, it's thick, dark-black, and course like hogs hair. My face, it hurts. My jaw is growing like that of a dog. I've an under bite. It's so hot in here [removing shirt]. My eyes are burning like someone rubbed raw jalapeno juice in them. I have to squint just to see. The lights intensity's overwhelming my sense.

  I can feel my bulging member straining against my pants. Aching to be freed [removing pants]. [On the ground writhing around in pain] It hurts! Someone please help me. [Man's arms grow and muscles begin to swell. Subject's legs and feet and hands are transforming into something creature based. The Subject's grunting and screaming in pain. Subject's becoming something other than human. Subject's smelling the air like a dog trying to pick up a scent. Subject's now standing upright and walking around smelling the air. Subject seems to have found a scent and is now howling. Subject's writing on the wall with something from a pot, it says, "I'm sorry. Subject let out a giant howl and jumped through his balcony patio door.]

  [Video runs for two more minutes, then feed shuts off.]

  [Subject has yet to be found.]